“What is important here, however, is the distinction between short and long-term pain,” says Fehr. Lube can help with this (more on that later), but if that doesn’t help get things running smoothly, you should consult your doctor or a gynecologist to see if you may have a condition called vaginismus, which makes it really hard for anything to enter the vagina. Psychotherapist Nicole Tammelleo says “hundreds of people” have told her that, when they had penetrative sex for the first time, it felt like their partner was “hitting a brick wall,” which isn’t what sex should feel like. Having penetrative sex is just another way that you need to learn to use your body, and there will be an adjustment period.” “Your body naturally hurts the first time and it needs time to adjust to the new movement and experience. “When it comes to the first time, it is certainly common and normal for intercourse to be uncomfortable, and even painful-because it is the first time,” says Fehr, who compares pain during sex for the first time to pain in your body after trying a new sport, like running or weight lifting. You’ve got this.ĥ4 Women Describe What an Orgasm Feels Like 1. To clear up any and all further confusion, we’ve enlisted the help of some amazing experts who will guide you as you navigate sex for the first time. So relax, breathe, and enjoy the process. “And most importantly, focus on honoring yourself-which encompasses listening to your body and what it needs moment by moment-and asking for what you need such as slowing down, more lube, or more touch and kissing beforehand.” You’re gaining an experience and learning about yourself, says Fehr. There is no way you will know how it works, what you want and what you like until you do it (and many times too).” Forgive yourself ahead of time for not knowing what to do. The key going into it is framing it as a learning experience and giving yourself grace and space to screw it up. It’s the first time of many experiences where you’ll learn about your body and making sex work for you. “First-time sex does not need to be great,” says sex and intimacy coach Irene Fehr, MA, CPCC. It’s your first time, so try not to put too much pressure on yourself to make it “perfect.” If you are nervous, confused, or anxious about the whole thing, know that it’s totally normal to feel all the things and that you’re in the right place. Now that we’re all on the same page, let’s talk sex. “I suggest instead we define one’s sexual debut as their first orgasm with another person.”Īs Mint says, your sexual debut could be your first orgasm with another person or it could be anything you want it to be! Whatever sexual experience you have with someone else that you want to define as your “first time” is A-okay. We call it ‘losing one’s virginity’ or a more sex-positive spin, ‘making one’s sexual debut.’ However, making this the big event is both penis-centric and not inclusive of non-heterosexual sex,” says Lelo sexpert Laurie Mint, PhD, author of Becoming Cliterate.
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“We have a lot of hype around penetration (especially first-time penetration).
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It’s also way past time to get rid of the whole “losing your virginity” narrative that’s been thrust upon women by society for hundreds of years (virginity is a social construct!), so let’s put that phrase to bed, like, right now. Everyone has different comfort levels, life circumstances, and experiences, so however you’re doing it, trust that it’s what’s right for you as long as it’s all consensual. Before we dive into all things first-time sex, let’s get one thing super clear: There is no “normal,” one-size-fits-all age, relationship, or situation in which to experience sex for the first time.